Lesson #9: Getting Plastered

I’ve come prepared with my SnappySnap photo. It’s a landscape picture showing a cluster of silver-birch trees that I came across in Mote Park. Today I give it the Fauvism treatment. Remember Eddy… let go. Don’t paint what you see… paint what it makes you feel.

The good thing about my own feelings is that nobody but myself knows what they are. Nobody can tell me I’ve used the wrong colours to express them. But the bad thing is I don’t know what my feelings are myself. Do I just disengage the brain? See what the subliminal psyche has to say? I guess it’s a man thing… being out of touch with your emotions.

I plunge into the acrylic splodge of red… I’m going native today. Not even mixing the paint… just going raw. I wonder what Henri Matisse would say?

The art teacher looks on… seeing yet more evidence of my mania. Perhaps it’s time for some form of intervention. It’s a palette knife or spatula that does the trick. I’m going to paint the tufty grass in the foreground a sandy red. Why? Because I can… I’m becoming a Fauvist. It seems that I can add all sorts of detritus to my acrylics… flour, rice, cut grass… you name it. Teacher demonstrates how to mix my acrylic paint with flour. She says it’s rather like plastering “if you’ve ever done that.” Well I’ve never been a plasterer if that’s what she means. She struggles around for another practical example “it’s rather like mixing concrete”. These analogies are going nowhere with me. In fact I’ve never done an honest day’s work in my life…my hands betray the fact: even Prince Charles’ manicurist would approve.

It’s going on a treat… impasto. That means putting it on so thick that you can see the rudimentary gestures of my palette knife. I’m going 3D. I like that idea. It means that nobody can forge my painting… no photographic reproductions. You have to see it in the flesh. Folks will have to travel from far afield just to see the real thing. Posting it on Instagram just won’t hack it.

Hairdryer time. I have to mobilise my jalopy towards the far corner knocking everything in my path. There I team up with Craig who is a like-minded creative… It’s not the kind of hairdryer time that Sir Alex Ferguson made famous with his catapulting tirade. This is a much more cathartic experience as we attempt to preserve our incarnations for posterity.

If you want to see the true 3D impasto experience, you are welcome to see my painting on the kitchen fridge (for the next two weeks only).

3 thoughts on “Lesson #9: Getting Plastered

  1. Love this! Read it out loud to normally grumpy husband who actually laughed merrily (at Prince Charles reference) I’ll have any one of your works on my fridge/wall any day. You have a real talent – for art and for writing. Thank you ☺️


  2. Hope the kitchen fridge exhibition is still on at Easter…I’ll be there! Lovely colours . I expect Henri Matisse would say ‘This work puts me in mind of early spring in Mote park!’


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